Bad things happen to good people every day. It’s sad … and it’s true. The question then becomes, how do you process it? What can you do to overcome adversity when it has landed on your doorstep?
The best place to start is to understand that every “bad” thing that happens to you can be turned into a GIFT.
Not that the bad thing is a gift! It’s not. Yet you can CHOOSE to call on the wisdom, compassion and courage of your inner leader to GENERATE something good. How? Through the 3-Gifts technique.
1. The Gift of Knowledge.Imagine you’re “let go” by your company. You’re beset not only by anger, but also guilt. “Maybe I contributed to this by the way I responded (or failed to). Maybe if I had done more of this, or less of that, I could have prevented this.” (Maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s not.)
Eventually, when you’re ready, simply ask: “What knowledge, wisdom or insights would I need to gain so that the payoff in the future will be much greater than what this is costing me right now?”
As you ask with genuine curiosity and openness, without judgment, you may come upon insights into behaviors and processes that can open future doors or save you from much worse in the future.
2. The Gift of Power.When my VP role at UnitedHealthcare came to a sudden end, the stock options that evaporated could have bought a nice house in Manhattan Beach. For cash. I would not have chosen that loss myself. Yet paradoxically, it eventually freed me from income anxiety, which was the chief reason I worked there!
So, think about your problem like “weights” in the gym. As you lift and press, your muscles grow.
Ask yourself, “Which powers – empathy, curiosity, creativity, boldness, courage, for example? – must I grow, so I am not upset by this anymore?” And when those qualities grow in me, what gifts will I have? More freedom, more joy?”
As I grew my muscles to forgive myself and others for power plays that outflanked me, I found freedom and fresh power. It’s led to the rich and free life I now enjoy live as an Executive Coach | CFO Coach providing solutions for private equity-backed companies.
3. The Gift of Inspiration | Inspired ACTION. Christopher Reeve, the actor who was once the embodiment of Superman, became a paraplegic after a horse-riding accident. He could easily have become bitter. Instead, he eventually asked himself:
“How can I turn this into a gift?”
He committed to his life to furthering research and treatment related to spinal cord injuries. Near the end of Reeve’s time, he was able to say “I’ve never been happier in my life. If I had it to do things over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. My life has meaning, and purpose.”
For him, the awful thing that happened paled in comparison to the beauty of the good he was able to generate. Reeve believed it was a small price to pay to get this big gift, of being an inspiration to so many. Even decades later.
So, scan your life right now.
Think of something bad that has happened to you.
Notice if there’s anything good, anything at all, that’s come of this yet. If you don’t see any, don’t worry.
Are you willing to be open to beginning to DISCOVER potential gifts? Are you willing to GENERATE the gifts? (If you’re not ready to touch it, that’s totally fine: don’t judge yourself. Just notice what your choice is.)
If you allow the voice of your internal judge to choose, it will stay in negative territory. Yet if you choose to believe that anything can be turned into a gift or opportunity, what is there left to fear?!
You can GROW your powers of curiosity, empathy, creativity and resourcefulness to figure out what actions could turn your adversity into a gift you would never trade.
Edith Hamilton, MBA, CPCC is a certified executive coach for CFOs and VPs in Finance and Operations, particularly recently promoted women in the C-suite. She is a former executive of Fortune 500s, and has a background in private equity. With over 25 years’ experience in finance, operations, and growth strategies in corporations of all sizes including middle-market and entrepreneurial, Edith is a catalyst who accelerates leadership growth using tailored coaching frameworks that typically have an ROI of 4x-6x.
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